wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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