It's like God shit irony all over that family
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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