Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
