My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
