Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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