I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
