Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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