Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
