I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
