I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
