apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
