I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
