I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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