dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
