Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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