I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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