So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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