Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
