i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
