Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
