Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
