I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
