Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
