u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
