my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
