Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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