happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
