My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
