i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
