You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
