He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
