I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
