i wish peter jackson would direct porn
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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