First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
