Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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