I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
