I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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