cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
