he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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