I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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