I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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