I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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