I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
