: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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