textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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