No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
