umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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