you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
