I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
