I just cut my nipple shaving
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
