please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
