i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
