True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
