awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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