I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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