i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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